Today marks two weeks since we drove Maxwell to the intensive behavior group home in South Florida.
My mom and Chris and I made the commute today.
When we arrived.. he was in the shower, big surprise… any opportunity to get in water the boy is there. He came out of the room dressed in clothes, real clothes, pants and a shirt and shoes, and he smelled so clean. We brought him strawberries and blueberries and all of his favorites snacks and treats. We played outside for nearly two hours and watched giant, curly-tailed lizards climb the fence. We swung on the swings over and over and when it was thru we swung some more. We jumped on the trampoline…over and over. He ran to the utility sink like any rough little boy and drank from the spigot.
When I knew we needed to head out, we came inside, cleaned him up and said our goodbyes, I held him so tight and picked my bags up and swung them up on my shoulder, I think he thought he too was leaving with me, that was hard, his little, freckled face. I wonder what he thinks. Why are they leaving without me? Wait! Don’t forget me.
He must be screaming inside, it must be an unbearable pain.
My mom consoled me as we walked to the truck. Then I found his ball in the truck and I threw it over the fence for him to find at a later date. I didn’t want to go back in and do it all over again.
I am struggling with some other stuff right now and it’s hitting me hard. All so much at once.
People keep telling me just breathe, I am running out of air.
climbing the rock wall of life, barefoot, covered in baby oil praying for some chalk as not to slip.